Surviving a Dietary Apocalypse – Like a Boss!

Surviving a Dietary Apocalypse - Like a Boss (Musings by Megha)

There comes an epiphanic moment in every person’s life that dramatically changes his or her outlook. And it goes something like this –

Sinner + Epiphany = Better human being

Better human being + Epiphany = Potential sinner

The degree of sinning and goodness, however, is subject to the individual’s epiphanic impact. (I managed to impress even myself with this line. Let’s hope it doesn’t go downhill from here!)

History is strewn with examples of the former, while most instances of the latter are discreetly swept under the rug. Now, I understand reformed sinners are the sexiest kind out there – believe me, I’m married to one! – But psychologically, it’s infinitely more engaging to study a fallen angel – Or maybe I’m just a sucker for a lost cause!

What is it with me and lost causes

What is with me and lost causes

I fall into the ambiguous category of both the above, as oftentimes I feel like a mercurial mix of angel and devil. I’m curious to know which box you’d tick. *Cue to fill up the poll at the end of the post*

Living dangerously on the edge of gastronomical excess, for most of one’s life, makes a discernible intervention not only inevitable, but also necessary.

In all honestly, it was a slow build up, rather than a wake-up-in-the-morning-with-the-sun-streaming-out-of-your-eyes kind of a thing.

It dawned on me (pun intended) that I was running out of energy! The running being figurative of course, as the only exercise I’d done for the past few years was run out of money! (The sorry state of affairs could be safely attributed to my obsessive supermarket sprees – yes, that’s right. I’m obsessed with supermarkets.)

Yoga, an alternate day occurrence, left 57.14% of the week fair game to binge. But lo-and-behold! My bingeing buddy and fellow shameless optimist went on a 21-day hypothalamus suppression diet. For those of you wondering what the heck a hypothalamus is – it’s the hormone that sends hunger signals to your brain. This diet effectively throttled the living daylights out of that poor bugger. Nasty business, in my opinion.

Homer could do with a little hypothalamus-throttling himself ;)

Homer could do with a little hypothalamus-throttling himself 😉 (#1)

So, hormone control was involved and needless to say, it wasn’t a pretty sight (You’re deluding yourself, if you think those slime-balls would so easily concede defeat!). Meals were sectioned off into 120 grams sans-oil portions and the kitchen oven was over-worked to the core. The view from the sidelines was painful to say the least, but I did marvel at my friend’s tenacity.

Never one to be left behind, I consulted my yoga guru/wellness extraordinaire for the best way to compliment my newfound 42.86% yogic lifestyle. Since I’m all for full disclosure, here are the tips he gave me:

  1. Drink the Juice!

    Drink the Juice! (#2)

    Drink aloe vera and gooseberry (amla) juice on an empty stomach (the double whammy of ‘bitter and sour’ ensured many minutes of dry heaving, to the endless amusement of my domestic help)

  2. Drink a glass of water from a copper vessel (of course I took forever to find just the right design online and then it went out-of-stock – so again I had to search and ended up with “Nikku’s pure copper utensil – Satisfaction guaranteed” – with 4 ghastly stickers that refused to come off – Ugh! How many of you hate residual sticker glue?!)
  3. After an hour, drink warm water with honey and lemon on an empty stomach (why, oh whhhy do doctors give such conflicting advice?! How can I have an empty stomach when I’ve just glugged down all that liquid?! *perplexed*)
  4. A protein shake with fruits/oats/healthy stuff (honestly? Totally doable. This doesn’t warrant any bi$@hing)
  5. Nuts and/or green tea (wasn’t I supposed to be losing weight? There was no way I could eat so much!)
  6. Lunch at 11:30 am. *Pause, while my brain processed this info*
Huh? Say what?!

Huh? Say what?! (#3)

What?!!

Lunch.at.11:30.A.M?!

Was he out of his yogi-ed mind? (For a person biologically programmed to feel hungry at 2:00 pm, it felt as if I’d clearly drawn the short straw in this diet game)

I suddenly knew what the Mayans felt like, when they predicted the eschatological apocalypse; cause there was no way in hell this was going to end in anything but a pile of dietary rubble.

As a result, my post-lunch schedule didn’t even register.

Great going, M. It’s over before it even began!

Buuuut, having reached this far in my weight management mission, I was in no mood to give up – No, Siree! *sanctimonious head shake* So, I decided to eat healthy and simply learn to say ‘no’ to the bad stuff – proposed lunch timings be damned.

At the risk of over-simplifying the situation, I have experienced that baby steps go a long way towards sustained results –

  • Eat well (Farewell processed foods – tearfully waving, while a shipload of my favorite junk food disappears into the horizon) *sniff sniff*

    Farewell Processed Foods! See you..never!

    Farewell Processed Foods! See you..never! (#4)

  • Learn to say NO to sugar – The most tragic aspect of it all. *kill me now*

    No Sugar, you say?! Kill me NOW! (#5)

    No Sugar, you say?! Kill me NOW! (#5)

  • Din-din before 8 pm
  • Drink a glass of luke warm water with honey and lemon on an empty stomach
  • Exercise – read my lips – THERE IS NO ESCAPE! So move it!!

    Sometimes, I feel like bitch-slapping Julian :/

    Sometimes, I feel like bitch-slapping King Julian – energetic piece of s#%$ :/ (#6)

Trust me – when your skin starts glowing with health and you see the difference from within – you’d love it! It takes time, effort and determination. Stop lying to yourself. Stop making excuses. Do it because you’re committed to it.

And for the moment of truth – I do give in to binge-fests once in a while (Oh, you bet I do!) – it happens to the best of us. I mean, try telling your grandmother that you’re on a diet!! – I still get scolded and told to eat my way to womanly hips!

In all honesty, it isn’t that bad. You see, the mind is a strange thing. Once you start noticing the fruits of your labor, something within you eggs you on – to do more and further test your limits. (If you know what’s good for you, you’d hold onto that ‘something’ and nurture it)

So, whether you’re a Saint or a Sinner, keep your senses attuned to the potentially epiphanic. Embrace it and most importantly, have fun while finding the ‘real’ you. You might just find out what life has in store for you.

Jon Snow seems to be ready - Are you?! (#7)

Jon Snow seems to be ready – Are you?! (#7)

xx, M

PS: Don’t forget to fill up the poll below!

Photo Credits:

  1. http://photobucket.com/images/homer%20and%20bart
  2. http://gifsgallery.com/drinking+juice+gif
  3. Walt Disney Pictures
  4. http://www.loc.gov/pictures/item/97513785/
  5. http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lya7f75dbN1r3q2uwo1_500.gif
  6. https://38.media.tumblr.com/cd15a25f904ee541ab98cd914f95ebc7/tumblr_mx4nqmOljj1t2sdq3o2_400.gif
  7. http://www.oystermag.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/article-image-650×580/images/h.gif

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17 thoughts on “Surviving a Dietary Apocalypse – Like a Boss!

  1. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s both educative and engaging, and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The problem is something that too few people are speaking intelligently about. Now i’m very happy that I stumbled across this in my hunt for something concerning this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow Fransisca! Thanks for the kind words!
      Having faced a lot of commitment issues and conflicting advice regarding weight management, I decided to do my own research and make my own path.. something that suits me and my temperament..
      I hope you found what you were looking for..
      – M

      Like

  2. Pingback: Que Sera Sera – Advice from Mom | Musings by Megha

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